Are we in a gay sports bar?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
