So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
