it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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