we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
