she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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