I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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