The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
