Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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