GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
