I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
