Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
