he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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