Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
