so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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