The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize