maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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