he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
