You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
