he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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