he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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