I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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