My friends, they love my intelligence
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
