Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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