Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
