He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
