The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
