you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
