She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
