Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
