3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
