The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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