so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
