First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
