I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
3pm strippers are depressing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
