She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
