yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
