but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
