i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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