He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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