I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
