ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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