Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize