Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
