i already hear my dad disowning me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
