I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
