Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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