just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone shit on the floor
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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