How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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