thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
