Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We talked him into tasing himself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize