Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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