I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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