he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Pooping to opera.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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