I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
