Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your penis caused this!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
