there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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