I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
