I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I haven't been this sober since birth.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
