Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
