The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
