I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
