how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
