what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize