I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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