matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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