It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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