Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
