She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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