i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
