My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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