Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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