Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
